Super Heroes on Shows

So the kids are six and three now.

When we were young we talked about how things were “on TV”. Rinah talks about how things are “on shows”, because the object upon which they are watched now has multiple purposes including “home school”. So in a way school and TV are the same.

Not really.

A couple of weeks before Rinah’s sixth b-day there was this wooden (real wood, not composite) child’s desk – the kind with slanted top that opens – displayed in front of the lo-fi thrift store located in a garage by the (ancient) Army Navy store and one of the Vietnamese bodegas. There’s still a few of these old-ass stores in this neighborhood that have been there since long before white flight a few decades ago, and you’re like, the only reason this place can still be in business is because there’s no rent, hardly any employees (like the owner and their two sixty year old cousins) who are probably getting food stamps or social security.

It was one of those things where you think you see the thing driving by, consider it for two blocks: “was that a wooden child’s desk?”, “do we want a wooden child’s desk?”, “do I have time for this?”. And then you go back and it IS a wooden child’s desk. Real wood (not composite crap). With a little bench. Pencil ditch at the top. It’s quite wobbly.

“What are you selling this for?” Twenty-five bucks.

“Do you wanna sell it for fourteen? I’ve got fourteen bucks on me.”

“Sure”, says one of three thick, weathered sitters of junk chairs, “I can do that.”

David Alley helped make it magnificent. Hurray for awesome neighbors and close friends.

Anyway, Rinah goes, “Ya know how super-heroes on shows – Ya know how like, lotsa super heroes on shows are like, really big and muscular up here with square heads – no with little round heads”, she gesticulates a round top with square chin, “and like really tiny legs?”

Two Trips to Lowes, Sixty Bucks and a dozen “Fucks”

It was leaking at the top where the water comes out. The first set of “fuck”s was when I couldn’t tell what kind of instrument was needed to loosen the handle – ’cause it’s a tiny little hole up behind the handle itself. I’m there with a flashlight, trying various size allen wrenches and screwdrivers. Sprayed some WD40 to loosen up the connection. Fuck. Now I really can’t see in there – or get the liquid out! Ya don’t wanna strip it!

Finally I google it and they tell you (what $42 part you’ll be replacing and that) it’s an allen wrench, but not what size! Trip to Lowes (actually I call it LowesTwice) number one. Hoping my man Dan in plumbing would be there. He’s not. (He’s awesome.) They don’t even know what size, but we open another box (Shane was the sales guy’s name, Geraldine), take it to the tools dept and find an allen wrench that fits. Also get some drill bits in case it needs to be drilled out.

Back to the cottage and lo and behold it works – turning the allen wrench hard with needle nose pliers. Next step is to remove a collar – by hand or with Channel Locks if necessary. It was necessary, but do you think either of the two standard size channel locks I have were big enough? No. The kept slipping off. “fuck”. Let’s try wrapping a rubber jar opener around the collar. “fuck”. Let’s see if David Alley has a bigger pair at the shop. Hmmm. Maybe this clamp thing will work. “Fuck”. Trip to LowesTwice number two for the monster-fucking-channel-locks (made in America, baby) and THOSE did the trick. Bam!

Of course the whole thing started with Mom going to church and I’m like – ah – I’ll get some reading/writing done while staying with Dad and mom’s like, “I really need to call a plumber to deal with this leak in the shower.” “Fuck”.

(Shane referred me to his man, Jeff at Gorman Plumbing on Michigan and W if the handle ends up needing to be replaced – ’cause of course Lowes doesn’t carry them.)

Push-ups, Poetry and Toilet-cleaning

Maybe suicide is a bet

that nothing

could be worse



And if it is,

I need to know now. The suspense is killing me.

Never expected to seriously consider it. But there was a point where being married with children was unimaginable. Knowing that ones own death is impending and doing it ones own way, that’s simply not the same thing.

Seems like – ya complain – it’s at least a tiny bit regrettable. You say something mean, eventually regret it. Punch through a wall, smash your computer, beat on a friend?

Regret, regret, regret.

Cut off  a body part? Fuck your nerves permanently with Merck products?


Here’s to reality checks and remembering even when sleep

seems like

an escape

forever more

Whatever it is that the dreams are trying to convey – whether or not we embrace, accept or even acknowledge it – is a reality. If not pursuing or even wholly embracing our full beings, longings, desires, fears and expectations, I hope we’re at least acknowledging as much of them as we can thus far fathom.

Here’s to going way way way way further.

Epidemic Deniers

Developed an interesting habit in recence of waking up with itchy legs on fire some time in the middle of “night” and getting into a near-scalding four inch bath with olive oil – after nearly drawing blood with scratching. It’s not too bad.

Rivka’s upset because the internet is blaming us for the measles epidemic. Well not just the internet, but many of our friends on it. And they’re mad at us. One guy today called us “ignorant fools”.

There seems to be a view that all – what are they calling them: anti-vaxers or something… maybe the name should be “epidemic deniers” – that we’re all either uneducated libertarians or granola-making home-makers who’ve based our decisions solely on some celebrities talk show appearance.

Rivka’s pissed ’cause I’m not defending us and calling out the mean old know-it-alls by name. She rightly accused me of being someone who would probably be fine with getting the kids vaccinated if I was married to a different woman. Would I have married a woman who was totally down with vaccines? Maybe. Would we have ended up like Suzanne and Brian who’s oldest kid nearly died after exposure to infant vaccine rounds? Probably not.

It’s not like the government goes around experimenting on people, that the pharmacy industry are overly-aggressive in pro-vaccine lobbying or that it’s a $25 billion a year industry where there’s a lot of financial incentive to coerce people into taking vaccines.

According to the New York Times there were over 600 cases of measles last year! A sharp rise that puts cases at over .0002 percent of the population. Shit. But it’s true that it’s mostly due to the wishes of my scary wife that I’m going along with not immunizing the kids. And home schooling. Fuck. She’s not even disciplined about it and thinks that just because our two seem to be slightly more educated than most of their institutionally-indoctrinated counterparts we’re doing okay. But after having watched her moan them into existence in our bed and bathtub there ends up being this reluctant respect: that she’s part of some kind of timeless mystical club of person-creating, and I kind of expand into acquiescence.

The bitch has read tons of articles – most of which support her goddam intuition, and now all you fuckers are making me read a 250-page book on vaccinations – between trying to figure out how to make enough of a living to – what – pay for college for the kids, buy someone to help change my diapers when I get old so we can afford to still sleep together and one of us doesn’t have to get shipped off to a government-funded old-person storage facility, take a cruise to Disneyland for golf and measles?

I’m trying to learn to touch type. No – I’m learning to touch type. But not at the moment. This is pecked-out.

Need to go to facebook and read a message from a concerned “friend” who was born with a cleft palate – which I’m guessing is because someone hadn’t gotten vaccinated.

Fuck. Here’s to another ignorant blogger releasing foolish poetry so xe can get back to sleep before the skin ailments re-awaken.

If we can enjoy shaving yaks, and even having the shaving interrupted by other necessary diversions, our joy can be…

(to be continued)

We Vow to Achieve the Impossible.

Mad haPPy recorded a few songs and an interview for the WUWF Acoustic Interlude yesterday show. It is the first recording of the Bayan, Djembe and voice act and I have been super-excited to have the work documented.

The host, John Macdonell said he really liked it and that it was totally original. Listening to the recording on the way home, the flaws were deafening. My voice sounds distant and un-engaged. Rivka with tuning issues and sliding around to find notes. The bayan at one point makes a crackly noise. Fuck.

We arrived home and I promptly fell ill. Runny nose. Runny nose. Some good friends came over  – I lied about my feelings on the recording (Rivka seems happy – wisely knowing that it’s a beginning), and eventually went to bed feeling feverish.

A dream in which we’re in a church basement and when music playing begins to happen, the accordion is only making air sounds – no tones. I open it up and there are bugs inside. Then bees (have I mentioned I keep bees?), then hornets, all who are chasing and stinging me. The stings look similar to the stitched scars my friend Chris Wilkes (local “rock” promoter) showed me earlier in the day where his gall-bladder has just been removed. I notice the the stings actually feel kind of good in a way.

Maybe the musical flaws are kind of like bee stings. Maybe it’s healthy to always be at the bottom of one mountain or another.

And another thing…

The Leaders

The assertion that Jerusalem has belonged to “The Jews” for thousands of years may be true, but is it possible that that idea was (and is) simply being used as an excuse for the descendents of Europeans who had converted to Judaism (when it’s ideas were brought to Europe by the Moors) to colonize yet another third world country?

The lead
The lead

It would be like if a bunch of Europeans took up the Mayan religion and formed a state in Mexico. Let’s compare the features of the Cabinet of Israel members to those the Palestinians.. Notice a difference in skin color? And check out some of the population of the region circa the early 20th century (below)

cabinet_of_israel2 Mufti_of_Jerusalem_1929

Yet another instance of European Colonization? Love to hear anyone deny it.


Mother-Fucking Religious State

The notion that the self-sacrifice of the people in Gaza is due to an inherent cultural philosophy, as opposed to a reaction to extreme inhumane treatment is as racist as the notion that blacks and Latinos have an inherent tendency toward crime – rather than the statistics exemplifying the economic disparity under which we all live.

All of the world’s most popular religions and certainly the Christian, Jewish and Muslim philosophies romanticize martyrdom and the importance of the after-life over the physical life. So PLEASE stop pretending there is any US and THEM in this situation. There are profiteers, gangsters and killers capitalizing on the potential for violence on both sides, but the US is actually financing the ones on the stronger side.

And if a Jewish State can only be sustained through violence and humiliation, is it really necessary? And that goes for any Christian, Muslim or Money-worshiping state as well. If women and homosexuals are being treated unjustly in one part of the world, let us help them by treating our own women and “minorities” as equals – not by bombing the fuck out of them.