Monthly Archives: January 2019

Hurray food stamps

Getting good at this. Sorry, conservatives.
Your Food Assistance benefits will increase as shown below due to a change in your household’s circumstances.
Household Size: 4.
Mar, 2019 Thru August 31, 201
9

Ashirah Kilmer Eligible


Eligible
Rinah Kilmer Eligible
Michael KilmerEligible
Rivka KilmerEligible
Benefit Amount $564.00 Last cycle it was $200. There’s been times when it was $10. I don’t know…

Ten a Half Inch

My neighbor, Alec was the first Mexican dude to move into our immediate neighborhood. He rents an upstairs apartment from Miss Kay, the short, skinny bad-ass Vietnamese woman who has run the Kays fashion store a few blocks from here for the last 18 years (I’m told). That makes hers one of the oldest, if not the oldest, Vietnamese stores here in B’Ville.

Alec speaks broken English more proficiently than my broken Spanish but we trade languages when we talk. A few years ago, Alec hooked some other heavy-drinking, really nice Mexican dudes up with the house behind us and they’ve been there steadily. Unfortunately Pépe got caught with some herb last year and was deported. It’s fucked up. These guys all work hard, when there’s work.

Raymundo is a carpenter, Rafael does roofing and Alec is a welder. They party out in the yard a lot and have a lot of friends of all races. Recently this one Vietnamese dude who hardly speaks a word of intelligible English became a very regular guest at the scene. He’s got one of those really recognizable scratchy voices and speaks with a decidedly South Asian cadence. They’ll be out there at eight in the morning sometimes, laughing their asses off for hours, and I can hardly imagine what their communication is like since I imagine that the only language they have in common is English. It’s actually pretty inspiring.

The other day Alec and I were engaging over the borrowing of a drill. He was pretty lit up. Guess he was putting a door in for Ramundo and them. Anyway he commented on my dandling earrings, which I began to explain were for Obatala, the Ifa deity of balance, justice and humanity. I go, “they’re for”, and he interrupts, “ladies!”

Then he starts telling me about his three girlfriends and how they love his “deek”.

“I got ten a half in’. Dey love it. I got ten a half in’.” I pat him on the back, “You got more than me, man. Good for you.”

Then he starts showing me some porn website on his phone and talking about putting pictures of his dick up and getting paid $300 to go up to Atlanta to fuck (“ha say wee”) two women for a few hours, and about his nineteen year old girlfriend who didn’t want to have sex “inna ass” with him and now can’t get enough of it.

Was he hitting on me? (His ears are pierced too.) Was he bragging? Was he suggesting I put a picture of my “deek” on a website? I’m confused.

I imagine it would be fun having a “ten a half in’ deek”, as long as it behaves. I need to improve my Spanish.